IN HINDSIGHT   by an Indo-German newspaper columnist

THANKS BOSS

Employee: “Boss, could I leave the office a few hours early, to go shopping with my wife?”
     Boss: “Out of the question!”
     Employee: “Thanks, Boss. I knew you wouldn’t let me down!”

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ORANGE JUICE

Q. Why was the Sardarji staring at the tin of orange juice?
A. Because it said ‘Concentrate’.

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HURRY UP!

Two blondes have locked their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car with a coat hanger while the the other one watches.
     Finally the first blonde says, “Darn, I can’t get in the car! I need to rest for a minute!” The other replies, “Hurry up! It’s raining and the top is down!”

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ONE NIGHT AT A BAR

Local Romeo: “Hi ladies! Haven’t I met you two lovelies somewhere before?”
     Ladies: “Yeah…. That’s why we don’t go there any more.”

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HAMMER THROW

At the Summer Olympics an American, a Russian and a Mexican were competing in the hammer throw event.
     The American stepped up first, and managed a throw of 85 metres. There was loud applause, and the journalists asked him how he did it.
     “My father was a lumberjack, and so was his father,” replied the American. “All of us have strong arms!”
     The Russian was next, and achieved a throw of 86 metres. There was even louder applause, and the journalists rushed to ask how he had done it.
     “My father was a miner, and so was his father. We have calm nerves!”
     Then it was the Mexican’s turn. He turned, swung the hammer and sent it to a distance of 87 metres. It was a new world record! The crown went wild, and the journalists practically mobbed him, demanding to know his secret.
     “Well,” said the Mexican. “My father was unemployed, and so was his father. And they always said to me, ‘If anyone ever gives you a hammer, son, throw dat fukin’ thing as far away as you can!’”

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HIGHER AND HIGHER

In a train compartment, there are three men and a ravishing young girl. They get to know each other, and eventually the conversation turns to the erotic.
     The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs!” The men, charmed by this girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.
     Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I’ll show you my thighs,” and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten-dollar bill. The girl lifts her dress to the top of her thighs.
     The conversation continues, and the men, rather excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, “If you will give me $100, I’ll show you where I was operated on for appendicitis!”
     All three fork over the money. The girl then turns to the window and points at a building in the distance. “That’s the hospital where I had it done!”

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ARE YOU FREE TONIGHT?

A cute, good-looking secretary came angrily out of the boss’s room.
     A colleague asked: “What happened?”
     She replied: “He asked me, ‘Are you free tonight?’”
     “What did you say?”
     “I said ‘Yes’… and the bastard gave me 50 pages to type!”

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HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.
     He walks up to the driver’s window and asks, “You drinkin’?”
     The driver says, “You buyin’?”

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FIRST FLIGHT

A baby mosquito came back after his first flight.
     His dad asked, “How do you feel?”
     He said, “It was wonderful… everyone was clapping for me!”

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TUNNEL OF LOVE

A train is travelling through the Swiss Alps. An American, a Frenchman, an old Swiss lady and her blonde granddaughter are sitting together in one compartment. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later they hear the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Frenchman has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.
     The old lady thinks: The Frenchman must have groped my granddaughter in the dark, and she slapped his cheek. I’m glad she has morals!
     The blonde thinks: That Frenchman must have mixed me up with my grandmother, and got slapped on the cheek. Too bad–I like being groped!
     The Frenchman thinks: The American must have groped the blonde, and she slapped me instead!
     The American thinks: I can’t wait for the next tunnel, so I can smack that Frenchman again!

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