If you have a pet duck, and the duck falls seriously ill, make sure your veterinarian is not a quack.
DEAD DUCK
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry–your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure? I mean you haven’t done any tests on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the bird’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and led it from the room, returning a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird. It then sat back, shook its head, meowed softly and departed the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 per cent certifiably a dead duck.” He turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS!” she cried. “A HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS just to tell me my bird is dead!”
The vet shrugged. “If you’d taken my word for it the bill would only have been £20. But with the lab report and the cat scan, it’s now £150.”
SHAMPOO
Paddy is in the bath. He shouts to Murphy, “Have you got any shampoo?”
Murphy shouts back, “Yeah, it’s by the sink!”
Paddy shouts, “I can’t use that–it says it’s ‘for dry hair’ and I’ve just wet mine!”
GROCERY BAG
Q. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for children to play with; and the other you carry your groceries in.
PET ZEBRA
Q. What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
A. Spot.
POWER CUT
Two days of power cut in Delhi had made life miserable.
Worst affected was the Delhi metro station where a Sardarji family was stuck for 48 hours on an escalator.
JOKE OF THE WEEK
by Gauri Sankar Mukherjee, DelhiOn the way towards Parliament, one of the journalists requested Laluji to say something on the reorganization of states of India in the context of Nitish Kumar’s comment that Purvanchal be added to the present Bihar state.
In reply Laluji stared at the journalist and said “Today I am going to place a demand in the Parliament that all the segments of Bihars scattered around Delhi such as Mayur Bihar, Ashoke Bihar, Anand Bihar, Sant Bihar etc. must be integrated with the Bihar state to make a Greater Bihar.”
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