Always think twice before you speak. And then, if possible, keep silent.
TRAP SHUT
In a Trappist monastery, there was a rule that only one monk could speak every five years, and this was explained to a young novice when he joined the order. The next morning at breakfast one of the monks said, “I think the porridge is too sweet.”
Five years passed and it was another monk’s turn. He said: “I don’t think the porridge is sweet enough.”
Another five years passed, and it was the novice’s turn to speak. He said: “I’m going. I’ve heard nothing but arguments since I got here.”
A BEAR’S PRAYER
A pastor was hiking in the woods when he came across a huge grizzly bear. The bear stood up on its hind legs and growled ferociously, preparing to charge.
The pastor started to run, but came to a cliff and could flee no further. So he dropped to his knees and prayed, “Oh Lord, protect me! Please make this bear a good Christian bear!”
To his amazement, the bear suddenly stopped growling, fell to its knees and folded its paws together in prayer. It said:
“For what we are about to receive…”
MAJOR QUESTIONS
The science graduate asks, “Why does it work?”
The engineering graduate asks, “How does it work?”
The accounting graduate asks, “How much does it cost?”
The liberal arts graduate asks, “Would you like fries with that?”
MEXICAN OLYMPIC TEAM
Q. Why doesn’t Mexico have a good Olympic team?
A. Because the ones that can run, swim, and jump are all in America!
JOKE OF THE WEEK
by Ankana
One fat guy goes to a popular gym and sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone’s weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He’s standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying:
‘If you catch me, I’m yours.’
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he’s running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he’s about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg. He’s back on the street and starts to think, “Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time…” So he races back to the gym and says, “I want to lose 20 kg more.” “No problem,” says the manager. Again he is led to the large gym. This time he’s standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign:
‘If I catch you, you’re mine.’
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