They may put you in chains and lock you up in a tiny cell, but they can never take away the thoughts of freedom in your mind. That’s what makes it worse.
YEARS OF SOLUTUDE
Three convicts were on their way to prison for a long time. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?” The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the ‘Grandma Moses of Jail’. Then he asked the first, “What did you bring?”
The first convict pulled out a pack of cards and said, “I brought cards. I can play solitaire, poker, gin, and any number of games.”
The third convict was sitting quietly, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, “Why are you so smug? What did you bring?”
The guy pulled out a box of tampons. He said, “I brought these.”
The other two were puzzled and asked, “What can you do with those?”
“Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating, …”
WEALTHY WIDOWER
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her charm and who hangs on to Bob’s arm listening intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!” They are bowled over, but continue to question him. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replies. They ask, “What did you do, tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”
ROTTEN EGG
Customer: “Waiter, this egg isn’t fresh!”
Waiter: “Don’t look at me, sir. I only laid the table.”
JOKE OF THE WEEK
by Mangesh Nabar
A new supermarket has opened in Double Bay, Sydney, Australia.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and bratwurst.
In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped John Smith’s beer.
When you approach the egg cases, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalising smell of fresh baked bread and cakes.
Of course, I do not buy toilet paper there any more!
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